Countdown to Friday...

At this point I feel so desperate. I so want to get my first fill. I tested the limits and went way beyond and need something to reel me back in. I am so out of control and each day I say today will be a better day and by the time the day comes to a close I am disappointed in myself. I gained back around 3 pounds (refuse to step on the scale) and I can't get passed it. I feel like I want to start over. I have not been sick nor thrown up, nevertheless I am praying I didn't cause any permanent damage. How is it possible though with me knowing that damage I could possibly cause to myself that I overeat anyway? I guess I need more help than I realized. Hopefully, the fill does what I need it to do.