First Fill...

So yesterday I got my first fill - a whole 3ccs. Let's see what difference it makes. I'll tell you this much... it was definitely a weird sensation. I was so nervous about it that I got nauseous . Like everyone says it's really not bad at all, but the process is really intimidating.

After all that beating myself up and I actually hadn't gained anything back. On the contrary, I'd lost an extra pound bringing my weight loss to 22 pounds. While I am proud of that, I spend a bit too much time thinking about how much I could have lost had I done the right thing. This is a learning experience for me and I am discovering a lot about myself and my addiction to food.

I am the kind of person that respects boundaries that I know I can't cross, once I know I can I will push it. Which is what had happened. I had thought that after surgery hunger wouldn't be an issue and that is kind of true, as the cravings aren't as extreme. I also thought I'd get satisfied on bits of things and that wasn't true after three weeks (when my stomach had healed). Granted I am not eating like I did before, but truth is I ate waiting for my body to send my brain a message to stop and that message didn't come.

With that said I take this fill, along with the two days of liquid diet I was told to follow (I didn't know I had to do that after a fill) and remind myself that my mind is in charge. No more waiting for messages/signals of this is what full feels like. Instead I will serve myself and eat what my brain says is satisfying.

Lets see what happens. I go back in six weeks for my next appointment.