Searching for After...

So here I am a month and five days after being banded and I am just a drop closer to finding "after." For more than fifteen years all the pictures of me have been "befores," the kind that you just want to delete, and I so want to find the after me to photograph. Sometimes when I see pictures of me I'm shocked by what's before me because it really isn't how I view myself. I want so much more. This journey is far from a quick fix and the eating limits are way more than expected. I know that no one wants to vomit or feel the pressure of being full, but I thought I'd get a stop sign of sorts and that hasn't been there for me. I almost want to go back to the liquid diet because there I felt safe. Its kind of depressing to have gone through all this to find that I still have a problem. I know I need to stay supported. I need to know that doing this is within my power and its all about control. I just need to take control and I am not sure how.